dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
