I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
