I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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