So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
