guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
