why didn't you poke me back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
