I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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