In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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