No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk is not a location!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
