i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
