THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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