Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
