U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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