Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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