dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
