I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
