At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
