i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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