If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
