I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
