drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
