I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
