What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
