My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
