Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
