Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
