the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
