Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
