No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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