just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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