She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
