Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
