broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
