Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
