hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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