Me too!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
