i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
