And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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