I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
