I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
