the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
