whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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