Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
