Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
