yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
