Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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