Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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