so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
