So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
