We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
