What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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