Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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