he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
