Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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