Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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