Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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