The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
