I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
