now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
