She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
