We won't sleep together?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We got so high we made milksteak
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
