considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
