And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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