apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
