I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
MIDGETS
????
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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