opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
