I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
