It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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