I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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